Harder

I always thought that once I graduate life would get much easier. I thought that without those papers and exams I could actually live a carefree life. Well I was wrong. I knew what I was thinking was beyond wrong but I was secretly hoping that life would be kind to me. :)

Now, I have no choice. It's actually a given fact that I have to wake up and drag myself to serve my dear patients twelve hours a day. The job was really tiring but still I try to smile every time I face them since I have to make them feel better and not stressed out by my either sourness or bitterness. I have no complains working really. It's just hard to do when I got some other things on mind. Being professional is what really matters and I know that I should never let my personal life affect my job. I really admire those who can play their part well, not letting other people notice that something is wrong. I have mastered that craft too. Before, nobody can tell if something is bothering me or when I'm offended. Usually I just keep quiet and not involve other people with my own problems. I don't even let my friends know when I feel really low, though my real friends don't have to hear it from me, they say they can sense it already. My eyes gave me away.
It's just hard to open up with the way that I feel over some things. I am scared of being judged or pitied. I mean, there are so many people who have more serious problems and here I am losing myself over some shallow things. I don't want to dampen other people's spirit by sharing my problems. Funny, 'cause my best friend, Kai told me that she loves hearing other people's troubles. It makes her realize that she's not the only one who's worrying over something and it helps her take her mind off her own life for a while. Point taken!
I just got a lot of things on mind. Worries of what lies ahead. Scared of making the wrong turns. Next year, my plans will push through. every single one of them. For now, I will patiently wait...and prepare for the worst.